The Emotional Life of the Toddler

Zusatztext PRAISE FOR THE EMOTIONAL LIFE OF THE TODDLER BY ALICIA LIEBERMAN Alicia Lieberman is a toddler-whisperer! illuminating the art and science of this important period of life in informative ways that will enable parents to gain important insights into the mind and behavior of their child. With clear and concise summaries of research findings highlighting developmental milestones of this age woven with practical examples families face in everyday life! this second edition of her classic work is a gift to parents and children alike. Daniel J. Siegel! M.D.! Clinical Professor! UCLA School of Medicine A gift to allnot only to today's parentsbut to all those who work with toddlers and their parents. From tantrums to screen-time! from toilet training to traumaand so much more! Lieberman illuminates every aspect of toddlerhood with understanding! empathy! care! experience! research! and wisdom! while at the same time respecting cultural differences and values and the fast-paced lives of today's families. Robie H. Harris! celebrated children's book author of It's Perfectly Normal and It's so Amazing Dr. Alicia Lieberman is a brilliant clinician and one of the most sage voices of our era in the field of early childhood development. As we learn more and more about the critical nature of the earliest years in forming the foundation of lifelong health! this second edition of The Emotional Life of the Toddler could not come at a more important time. Clear and wise! The Emotional Life of the Toddler is an essential guide for clinicians! parents! caregivers and anyone who has a little one in their lives. For me! a pediatrician and the parent of a toddler! this book is a blessing. Nadine Burke Harris! MD! Founder and CEO! Center for Youth Wellness The Emotional Life of the Toddler is a wise and kind book about a fascinating and sometimes exhausting stage of life; it will help parents understand and appreciate all that is happening as their young children develop! and it will also help them navigate the complexities of life with toddlers. Perri Klass! MD! Professor of Journalism and Pediatrics! NYU Informationen zum Autor Alicia F. Lieberman Klappentext Now updated with new material throughout, Alicia F. Lieberman's The Emotional Life of the Toddler is the, detailed look into the varied and intense emotional life of children aged one to three. Anyone who has followed an active toddler around for a day knows that a child of this age is a whirlwind of explosive, contradictory, and ever-changing emotions. Alicia F. Lieberman offers an in-depth examination of toddlers' emotional development and illuminates how to optimize this crucial stage so that toddlers can develop into emotionally healthy children and adults. Drawing on her lifelong research, Dr. Lieberman addresses commonly asked questions and issues. Why, for example, is no often the favorite response of the toddler? How should parents deal with the anger they might feel when their toddler is being aggressively stubborn? Why does a crying toddler run to his mother for a hug only to push himself vigorously away as soon as she begins to embrace him? This updated edition also addresses 21st-century concerns such as how to handle screen time on devices and parenting in a post-internet world. Hailed as groundbreaking by The Boston Globe after its initial publication, the new edition includes the latest research on this crucial stage of development. With the help of numerous examples and vivid cases, Lieberman answers these and other questions, providing, in the process, a rich, insightful profile of the roller coaster emotional world of the toddler. Leseprobe The Emotional Life of the Toddler

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The Emotional Importance of Early Relationships

Living with a child between 1 and 3 years of age is an exhilarating experience. Who else could show us so convincingly that a wet, muddy leaf lying on the ground is actually a hidden marvel or that splashing in the bathtub can bring ultimate joy? Toddlers have the gift of living in the moment and finding wonder in the ordinary. They share those gifts by helping the adults they love to reconnect with the simple pleasures of life.

But toddlers have dark moments, too. They are notoriously willful and unpredictable. Their behavior can be difficult to understand and strenuous to handle. At times parents find themselves caught in a contest of wills, vaguely embarrassed at being unable to win more handily at this uneven match. Other times they are simply at a loss. It is hard to fathom what the child is asking for, and the child cannot explain. He or she can only act, repeating the same behavior again and again until the parent finally deciphers the message and comes up with an appropriate response.

Examples of toddler behavior begging for an explanation are many.

• Blair hits his head against the wall if he is angry or frustrated.

• Eddy cries with hunger but rejects every choice his mother offers him for dinner.

• Sandra screams and tries to hide when she sees a picture of an elephant waving his long trunk in a children’s book.

• Lenya lets go of her father’s hand and runs toward a horse galloping in the field next to her house.

• Mary looks for her mother all over the house only to run out of the room as soon as she finds her.

• Marty goes back and forth between crying to be held and demanding to be put down.

These and many other behaviors defy adult logic. Why would a child seek pain, choose to stay hungry, become terrified of a harmless picture, rush into danger, search for her mother only to run away from her, or want comforting while rejecting it at the same time?

Though inexplicable from the perspective of grown-ups, these reactions make perfect sense from the viewpoint of a child who is 1, 2, or 3 years old. This book tries to explain why this is so. The ideas presented are my personal synthesis of child observation, clinical work with toddlers and their families, theories of development, and current research findings. The organizing themes come from attachment theory, which was developed by psychoanalyst John Bowlby and psychologist Mary Ainsworth to explain the intense need that all children in the first three years of life have for a close relationship with their parents and a small number of cherished adults. The basic premise of attachment theory is that toddlers can grow into happy and competent children if they can rely on at least one adult who makes them feel safe and protected. From this basic feeling of security in relationships grows the impetus to explore how things work in the world and to try out new skills.1, 2

The most important emotional accomplishment of the toddler years is reconciling the urge to become competent and self-reliant with the simultaneous and sometimes contradictory longing for parental love and protection. This process is apparent in the behavior of toddlers who have recently mastered walking on their own. The child moves back and forth between staying close to the parent, moving away to do things on her own, and going back to the parent to share discoveries, to be comforted, or simply to “recharge batteries” with a hug or a cuddle before going off yet again for another bout of exploration. They are practicing the balance between their need for autonomy and their need for protection. In order to explore and learn, they need reassurance that the parent will be there to keep them safe while they do things on their own.

Parents serve as the home base for the toddler’s explorations. When they respond to the child’s experiences with encouragement and understanding, this home base becomes a secure base. The child derives a feeling of security from the parent’s support, and this security generates the self-confiden…