Come Together

Informationen zum Autor Emily Nagoski, PhD Klappentext "Nagoski takes on a fundamentally misunderstood subject: good sex. [She] breaks down the myths many of us have been taught about sex--for instance, the belief that sexual satisfaction and desire are highest at the beginning of a relationship and that they will inevitably decline the longer that relationship lasts. ... [This book] isn't about how much we want sex, or how often we're having it; it's about whether we like the sex we're having. Nagoski breaks down the obstacles that impede us from enjoying sex--from stress and body image, to relationship difficulties and gendered beliefs about how sex 'should' be--and presents the best ways to overcome them"-- Leseprobe Chapter 1 Is Sex Important? In this first part of the book, I'm introducing a different way to think about sex: What if we shelve the entire concept of desire and, in its place, prioritize pleasure and how we create it in our lives? If you enjoy the sex you're having, you're doing great, regardless of how much you crave sex (or don't) and regardless of how often you have it (or don't). Great sex in a long-term relationship is not about how much you desire sex or how often you have to do it. It's not about what you do, in which position, with whom or where or in what clothes, even how many orgasms you have. It's whether or not you like the sex you are having. Your task, as a partnership, is to explore ways to co-create a shared contexta shared life, a connection, a state of mind, a way of being togetherthat makes pleasure easy to access. It starts with understanding why sex matters in your relationshipif it matters, which it doesn't always. It continues with considering when and why and how sex feels goodif it feels good, which it doesn't always. So how important is sex? Sex is really important to some people, in some relationships or in some specific contexts. But in terms of getting through our day-to-day lives, sex is generally no big deal. Nobody's going to die or even get sick if they don't have sex. Nobody is diseased or dysfunctional if sex seems like more trouble than it's worth, just as nobody is diseased or dysfunctional if sex feels urgently important, day after day. Regardless of whether sex seems important or not, there are only twenty-four hours in a day and seven days in a week. Nobody gets more, and we have a lot of things to do in that time. Maybe we have family to take care of, maybe we have a paycheck to earn, an academic degree to finish, chores to do, a puppy to house-train, a chronic illness to manage. We have to sleep, eat, bathe, maybe talk to friends who are not our sex partners, maybe even, god forbid, we just want to watch a little TV and take a nap. When my own sex life evaporated, I had an advantage most people don't: I knew that the couples who sustain a satisfying sexual connection are the couples who decide that sex matters enough for their relationship that they cordon off space, time, and energy specifically for sex. They stop doing all those other things they could be doing, they close the door on all those other responsibilities and enjoyments, and they turn toward each other's sensual selves. But why, when we have so many other things we could be doing, do we choose to have sex? Why Have Sex? Let's face it, sex is kind of silly. We dignified humans put our tongues in each other's mouths, we put our mouths on each other's genitals, we rub our skins together and wrestle like puppies, we let our bodies roll through orgasm even when there's someone else there to witness it. We bounce and grunt and spasm and ooze. What in the world is happening in the midst of all that silliness that makes it worth stopping everything else just to do that? For some of you, it's a no-brainer. You can't even understand why it's a question. If you're one of the p...

Autorentext

Emily Nagoski, PhD

Klappentext

"Nagoski takes on a fundamentally misunderstood subject: good sex. [She] breaks down the myths many of us have been taught about sex--for instance, the belief that sexual satisfaction and desire are highest at the beginning of a relationship and that they will inevitably decline the longer that relationship lasts. ... [This book] isn't about how much we want sex, or how often we're having it; it's about whether we like the sex we're having. Nagoski breaks down the obstacles that impede us from enjoying sex--from stress and body image, to relationship difficulties and gendered beliefs about how sex 'should' be--and presents the best ways to overcome them"--

Zusammenfassung
NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER • From the author of Come as You Are and co-author of Burnout comes an illuminating exploration of how to maintain a happy sex life in a long-term relationship.

“Emily Nagoski is a national treasure—helping us all understand how to finally build true, joyful, confident sex lives.”—Glennon Doyle, author of Untamed

In Come as You Are, Emily Nagoski, PhD, revolutionized the way we think about women’s sexuality. Now, in Come Together, Nagoski takes on a fundamentally misunderstood subject: sex in long-term relationships. 

Most of us struggle at some point to maintain a sexual connection with our partner/s or spouse. And many of us are given not-very-good advice on what to do about it. In this book, Nagoski dispels the myths we’ve been taught about sex—for instance, the belief that sexual satisfaction and desire are highest at the beginning of a relationship and that they inevitably decline the longer that relationship lasts. Nagoski assures us that’s not true.

So, what is true? Come Together isn’t about how much we want sex, or how often we’re having it; it’s about whether we like the sex we’re having. Nagoski breaks down the obstacles that impede us from enjoying sex—from stress and body image to relationship difficulties and gendered beliefs about how sex “should” be—and presents the best ways to overcome them. You’ll learn:

• that “spontaneous desire” is not the kind of desire to strive for if you want to have great sex for decades
• vocabulary for talking with partners about ways to get in “the mood” and how to not take it personally when “the mood” is nowhere to be found
• how to understand your own and your partner’s “emotional floorplan,” so that you have a blueprint for how to get to a sexy state of mind

Written with scientific rigor, humor, and compassion, Nagoski shows us what great sex can look like, how to create it in our own lives, and what to do when struggles arise.