How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk

Informationen zum Autor Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish Klappentext A books for all parents who want to create a great atmosphere in the family, in which to communicate and educate their kids. Includes many examples of real situations. It has been translated into 20 languages. Vietnamese translation by Tran Thi Huong Lan. In Vietnamese. Distributed by Tsai Fong Books, Inc. Leseprobe 1| Helping Children Deal with Their Feelings PART I I was a wonderful parent before I had children. I was an expert on why everyone else was having problems with theirs. Then I had three of my own. Living with real children can be humbling. Every morning I would tell myself, Today is going to be different, and every morning was a variation of the one before: You gave her more than me! . . . That's the pink cup. I want the blue cup. . . . This oatmeal looks like throw-up. . . . He punched me. . . . I never touched him! . . . I won't go to my room. You're not the boss over me! They finally wore me down. And though it was the last thing I ever dreamed I'd be doing, I joined a parent group. The group met at a local child-guidance center and was led by a young psychologist, Dr. Haim Ginott. The meeting was intriguing. The subject was children's feelings, and the two hours sped by. I came home with a head spinning with new thoughts and a notebook full of undigested ideas: Direct connection between how kids feel and how they behave. When kids feel right, they'll behave right. How do we help them to feel right? By accepting their feelings! ProblemParents don't usually accept their children's feelings. For example: You don't really feel that way. You're just saying that because you're tired. There's no reason to be so upset. Steady denial of feelings can confuse and enrage kids. Also teaches them not to know what their feelings arenot to trust them. After the session I remember thinking, Maybe other parents do that. I don't. Then I started listening to myself. Here are some sample conversations from my homejust from a single day. CHILD:Mommy, I'm tired.ME:You couldn't be tired. You just napped.CHILD:( louder ) But I'm tired.ME:You're not tired. You're just a little sleepy. Let's get dressed.CHILD:( wailing ) No, I'm tired!CHILD:Mommy, it's hot in here.ME:It's cold. Keep your sweater on.CHILD:No, I'm hot.ME:I said, Keep your sweater on!CHILD:No, I'm hot.CHILD:That TV show was boring.ME:No, it wasn't. It was very interesting.CHILD:It was stupid.ME:It was educational.CHILD:It stunk.ME:Don't talk that way! Can you see what was happening? Not only were all our conversations turning into arguments, I was also telling my children over and over again not to trust their own perceptions but to rely on mine instead. Once I was aware of what I was doing, I was determined to change. But I wasn't sure how to go about it. What finally helped me most was actually putting myself in my children's shoes. I asked myself, Suppose I were a child who was tired, or hot or bored? And suppose I wanted that all-important grown-up in my life to know what I was feeling . . . ? Over the next weeks I tried to tune in to what I thought my children might be experiencing, and when I did, my words seemed to follow naturally. I wasn't just using a technique. I really meant it when I said, So you're still feeling tiredeven though you just napped. Or I'm cold, but for you it's hot in here. Or I can see you didn't care much for that show. After all, we were two separate people, capable of having two different sets of feelings. Neither of us was right or wrong. We each felt what we felt. For a while, my new skill was a big help. Th...

Autorentext

Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish

Klappentext

A books for all parents who want to create a great atmosphere in the family, in which to communicate and educate their kids. Includes many examples of real situations. It has been translated into 20 languages. Vietnamese translation by Tran Thi Huong Lan. In Vietnamese. Distributed by Tsai Fong Books, Inc.

Zusammenfassung
From #1 New York Times bestselling authors, the ultimate “parenting bible” (The Boston Globe)—a timeless, beloved book on how to effectively communicate with your child.

This bestselling classic by internationally acclaimed experts on communication between parents and children includes fresh insights and suggestions, as well as the author’s time-tested methods to solve common problems and build foundations for lasting relationships, including innovative ways to:

· Cope with your child’s negative feelings, such as frustration, anger, and disappointment
· Express your strong feelings without being hurtful
· Engage your child’s willing cooperation
· Set firm limits and maintain goodwill
· Use alternatives to punishment that promote self-discipline
· Understand the difference between helpful and unhelpful praise
· Resolve family conflicts peacefully

Enthusiastically praised by parents and professionals around the world, Faber and Mazlish’s down-to-earth, respectful approach makes relationships with children of all ages less stressful and more rewarding.

Leseprobe
1| Helping Children Deal with Their Feelings

PART I

I was a wonderful parent before I had children. I was an expert on why everyone else was having problems with theirs. Then I had three of my own.

Living with real children can be humbling. Every morning I would tell myself, “Today is going to be different,” and every morning was a variation of the one before: “You gave her more than me!” . . . “That’s the pink cup. I want the blue cup.” . . . “This oatmeal looks like throw-up.” . . . “He punched me.” . . . “I never touched him!” . . . “I won’t go to my room. You’re not the boss over me!”

They finally wore me down. And though it was the last thing I ever dreamed I’d be doing, I joined a parent group. The group met at a local child-guidance center and was led by a young psychologist, Dr. Haim Ginott.

The meeting was intriguing. The subject was “children’s feelings,” and the two hours sped by. I came home with a head spinning with new thoughts and a notebook full of undigested ideas:

Direct connection between how kids feel and how they behave.

When kids feel right, they’ll behave right.

How do we help them to feel right?

By accepting their feelings!

Problem—Parents don’t usually accept their children’s feelings. For example:

“You don’t really feel that way.”

“You’re just saying that because you’re tired.”

“There’s no reason to be so upset.”

Steady denial of feelings can confuse and enrage kids. Also teaches them not to know what their feelings are—not to trust them.

After the session I remember thinking, “Maybe other parents do that. I don’t.” Then I started listening to myself. Here are some sample conversations from my home—just from a single day.

CHILD:Mommy, I’m tired.ME:You couldn’t be tired. You just napped.CHILD:(louder) But I’m tired.ME:You’re not tired. You’re just a little sleepy. Let’s get dressed.CHILD:(wailing) No, I’m tired!CHILD:Mommy, it’s hot in here.ME:It’s cold. Keep your sweater on.CHILD:No, I’m hot.ME:I said, “Keep your sweater on!”CHILD:No, I’m hot.CHILD:That TV show was boring.ME:No, it wasn’t. It was very interesting.CHILD:It was stupid.ME:It was educational.CHILD:It stunk.ME:Don’t talk that way!

Can you see what was happening? No…