Are you a safe space? Julio C. Roman's groundbreaking memoir and leadership guide for LGBTQIA+ advocates suggests that safe spaces are not rooms with four walls and a door. Safe spaces are people-leaders whose values, words, and actions invite and encourage every individual in their presence to express their fully authentic self. Leaders embody those spaces physically, and they embody them on social media. They create them by sharing the values of worth, acceptance, and self-esteem with every life they touch. But what happens when our safe spaces are violated? What happens when the people we love, especially those who represent safety, are taken from us? How do we deal with what we are witnessing, and where do we start picking up the pieces? By sharing his own poignant struggle to overcome the emotional scars of violence and abuse, Roman demonstrates the critical importance of safe spaces for every marginalized voice. Whether you're a young LGBTQIA+ person, a community-based organizer or ally, an LGBTQIA+ rights advocate, a business leader, an HR representative, or anyone else who wants to create a safe space for others, Out of Space can help you learn how to do it-and what being a safe space truly means.

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Introduction
The Pulse of a Community

"Of course, I am afraid, because the transformation of
silence into language and action is an act of self-revelation,
and that always seems fraught with danger."

-Audre Lorde, author and activist

I wrote this book so that other LGBTQIA+ people may see pieces of their stories in mine. I wrote it to share leadership lessons I have collected and learned along the way. This is not meant to be a holy grail, but a toolbox filled with real-life narratives and advice.

For twenty-two amazing years, I've had the honor of creating safe spaces for Black and Brown Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, Queer or Questioning, Intersex, Asexual (LGBTQIA+), and other marginalized communities. This includes advancing health equality, social justice, and public health initiatives for these communities. In this book, I share honest pieces of my story as I navigated life as a queer, timid Latino boy who would one day become a confident gay man who mentors and advocates for other LGBTQIA+ leaders. My journey isn't for the faint of heart, but it is a life lesson in determination. I share experiences of sexual and physical abuse, homelessness, drug use, sex work, and HIV and AIDS-but also deep faith, family, forgiveness, and finding my calling.

The Oxford Dictionary defines safe space as: "a place or environment in which a person or category of people can feel confident that they will not be exposed to discrimination, criticism, harassment, or any other emotional or physical harm."

On my safe space journey, I have learned one crucial thing about the world we live in today. Safe spaces can no longer be bound and limited to physical locations. Rather, they must be found and created in each of us, allowing us to transcend the limitations of walls, rooms, or a single environment. We do this by actively representing acceptance, kindness, and compassion, requiring the same in return, and displaying the courage to speak up against the inhumanity and injustices toward LGBTQIA+ people in every space we occupy.

How do we make this happen? Leadership is about creating safe spaces or representing a safe space where none exists. This is a role that will require integrity, follow-through, and courage. Growing up, I was fortunate enough to find this guidance through mentors who not only displayed leadership abilities, but also created and transformed communities and cultures. Lessons were often passed down. I had mentors who impacted the way I saw the world and my place in it, and who echoed the importance of paying it forward for others. Within these pages, I share these leadership lessons and tools through the lens of my experiences as a proud, queer Puerto Rican man, with the hopes that it will reach you to benefit you and the communities you serve. I hope that you find enlightenment, empowerment, and tools that you can make work for you. All these tools and lessons are now yours.

It's important to understand that when we talk about safe spaces, we are referring to the spaces we represent as human beings, not only a literal place.

So many times growing up, I was taught directly and indirectly that a safe space was a physical location made up of four walls and a door that could be locked, a place that I had to travel to in order to access its safety. Many times, this was supposed to mean home, school, or a family member's house. But what do you do, and where do you go, when those places aren't safe anymore?

I want to challenge you to think about the physical space that your body and voice take up in the world.

Growing up, it was hard to find safe spaces, but I managed to find safe people. I learned that unless we feel safe to blossom into our true selves, unless we can express who we are without fear and without intimidation, we can never fulfill