Securely Attached

Informationen zum Autor ELI HARWOOD is a licensed therapist who lives in Colorado with her husband, Trevor, and their three children. Eli has been nerding out on attachment research for the past two decades and is on a mission to help make the world a better place, one relationship at a time. She continues this mission in her clinical work, her writing, and running her mouth about attachment on social media. Visit her at AttachmentNerd.com or you can follow her on Instagram, TikTok, and Facebook at attachmentnerd, where she has nearly a million followers. Klappentext A resource that every therapist, client, and person needs in their life. Dr. Nicole LePera, New York Times -bestselling author of How to Do the Work and creator of The Holistic Psychologist on Instagram Unlock the key to deeply satisfying relationships and create the love you want with this fun and practical workbook from Eli Harwood, aka The Attachment Nerd. A licensed therapist and viral TikTok star, Harwood will help you navigate the path to an intimate, secure relationship with your sweetheart. Grounded in attachment theory research, Securely Attached clearly and gently guides you in delving deeper and overcoming problematic patterns that are holding you back from gettingand keepingthe close, fulfilling relationship you want. 140 insightful prompts will help you: • IDENTIFY YOUR ATTACHMENT PATTERNS . Understand which four categories inform your close relationships and why. • HEAL PAST WOUNDS . Reflect and process your unique attachment story for a perspective shift. • DEVELOP TOOLS FOR GROWTH . Quizzes, exercises, and tips provide actionable steps to learning secure patterns. • LOVE SECURELY . Find, build, and nurture healthy ways of lovingand being loved. With this workbook, you will come to understand your attachment story and how to move forward into the kind of connection with loved ones you want now and in the future. Transform insecure attachment patterns and unlock the key to deeply satisfying relationships with this insightful journal. Securely Attached is your guide to creating the love you want now! Leseprobe Before You Dig into This Attachment Journey Welcome friends! I am aware of the courage it takes to do this work and am so glad you are here. The journey to finding and maintaining a deeply secure romantic relationship can feel extremely daunting, if not downright unattainable at times. Why? Because within each of us lies an entire universe full of our childhoods and past relationship experiences and stories. When we become close to another person, our universes collide. Building intimacy is beautiful and exciting and expands our world, but it can also trigger past pain and knee jerk reactions that create distance and disconnection from our partners. This can lead to deeply unhappy relationships, or to painful and costly breakups and divorces. Trying to sort out how to get close to someone and also stay close with someone can feel extremely challenging, especially if you are one of the 45% of people who grew up in a family who was unable to offer you a secure relationship experience. This book is what I wish I could have read in my twenties when I was scrambling all around town trying to figure out how to create a secure partner relationship. Unfortunately for me, there was no such book at the time, so I kept falling into the same potholes with different people and ending up on the same dead end street. Instead of finding secure love, I found myself starting to worry that something was inherently flawed in me. Eventually, I hired myself a shrink, or what my mom kindly refers to as a rent-a-friend. It was in this therapy process that I learned all about attachment theory and it turned on all the lights upstairs for me. Learning about my...

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So youâEUR(TM)re an adult with an insecure attachment style. Now what?Create secure, healthy, and deeply satisfying relationships by transforming your old attachment patterns with more than 140 prompts in this evidence-based, practical guided journal.

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Before You Dig into This Attachment Journey
 
Welcome friends! I am aware of the courage it takes to do this work and am so glad you are here. The journey to finding and maintaining a deeply secure romantic relationship can feel extremely daunting, if not downright unattainable at times.

Why? Because within each of us lies an entire universe full of our childhoods and past relationship experiences and stories. When we become close to another person, our universes collide. Building intimacy is beautiful and exciting and expands our world, but it can also trigger past pain and knee jerk reactions that create distance and disconnection from our partners. This can lead to deeply unhappy relationships, or to painful and costly breakups and divorces.

Trying to sort out how to get close to someone and also stay close with someone can feel extremely challenging, especially if you are one of the 45% of people who grew up in a family who was unable to offer you a secure relationship experience.

This book is what I wish I could have read in my twenties when I was scrambling all around town trying to figure out how to create a secure partner relationship. Unfortunately for me, there was no such book at the time, so I kept falling into the same potholes with different people and ending up on the same dead end street. Instead of finding secure love, I found myself starting to worry that something was inherently flawed in me.

Eventually, I hired myself a shrink, or what my mom kindly refers to as a “rent-a-friend”. It was in this therapy process that I learned all about attachment theory and it turned on all the lights upstairs for me. Learning about myself through an attachment lens, I started to believe that I wasn’t unlovable. BUT that I did have some insecure patterns to work on. As I explored my attachment story, my emotional responses and behaviors in my romantic relationships made perfect sense.

I felt WAY less insecure and WAY more hopeful.

And guess what? It worked! I transformed an insecure pattern of relating into a secure pattern and I took those skills and used them to build a deep, solid, passionate relationship with the incredible human who is now my spouse.

I then went to graduate school in 2005 and after I completed my studies, I started a therapy practice where I have been nerding out on the magic of attachment research and its clinical applications with my incredible clients ever since.

And the biggest truth nugget I have found both in the science and in my clinic is this:
 
What happens in our lives as little people plays a big role in how we relate to our close friends and partners as adults.
 
When I share this message I am aware that you might immediately imagine me as some odd HBO therapist stereotype wearing a paisley scarf and staring into the camera saying something painfully weird like “your inner child is handing you a zucchini, what do you think that means?”. So let me just go ahead and reassure you that paisley is not my thing. Oh and also, changing your attachment strategy does not mean that you will be stuck in some creepy version of your past, in fact, it will help you do the opposite. By really doing the work to understand your attachment story, you will be able to shed some of the pain from it and move forward into the kind of connection you want now and in the future.

While all attachment strategies make sense in your childhood contexts, they don’t all work to your advantage in creating the love you want now. Many of you will discover through this book that you had an insecure attachment experience and developed some insecure strategies to cope with that. I want to be clear up front: these insecure patterns are not personal defects. They are survival tools you u…