Dave Barry's Only Travel Guide You'll Ever Need

Informationen zum Autor Dave Barry Klappentext TAKE YOUR TRAVEL TIPS FROM DAVE BARRY! A GUY WHO IS REALLY GONE! Complete with maps! histories! quaint local facts (France's National Underwear Changing Day is March 12)! song lyrics! helpful hints on how to get through Customs (all insects must be spayed)! and tidbits from Dave Barry's own fond vacation nightmares! DAVE BARRY'S ONLY TRAVEL GUIDE YOU'LL EVER NEED is just that. You'll find everything you need to know in this incredibly comprehensive reference! including: - Air Travel (Or: Why Birds Never Look Truly Relaxed)- Traveling as a Family (Or: No! We Are NOT There Yet)- Traveling in Europe ("Excuse me! Where is the Big Mona Lisa?")- Camping: Nature's Way of Promoting the Motel Industry Chapter 1 Planning Your Trip to Paradise, or Possibly Beirut Planning is a very important part of travel. Just ask Amelia Earhart, the famous woman aviatrix1 who in 1937 attempted to fly around the world in a twin-engine Lockheed and disappeared somewhere in the South Pacific and was never heard from again. This kind of thing can really put a damper on your vacation, yet it can easily be prevented if you do a little advance research by asking some basic travel questions, such as: Will you be flying on a twin-engine Lockheed? Will you ever be heard from again? Will there be meal service? Oh, I realize that not everybody likes to plan every step of a vacation. Some people would rather just grab a backpack and a sleeping bag, stick out their thumbs and start hitchhiking down the highway, enjoying the fun and adventure of not knowing what's around the bend. Most of these people are dead within hours. So planning is definitely the way to go. Step One is to decide on a destination. The two most popular travel destinations are: Domestic Foreign The major advantage of domestic travel is that, with a few exceptions such as Miami, most domestic locations are conveniently situated right here in the United States. This means that, on a domestic vacation, you are never far from the convenience of American culture in the form of malls, motels, Chicken McNuggets, Charmin Bathroom Tissue, car-window suction-cup Garfield dolls, lawyers, etc. Also, the United States contains an enormous amount of natural beauty, although I do not personally prefer Nature as a vacation destination, because of various factors such as the Dirt Factor, the Insect Factor, and, of course, the Snake Factor (see Chapter Eight, Camping: Nature's Way of Promoting the Motel Industry). The United States also contains some history, most of which is located in special humidity-controlled rooms in Washington, D.C., heavily guarded by armed civil servants. Or, if you prefer to get off the beaten path, you can simply hop in the car and travel the highways and byways of this great land of ours, visiting its many proud little dirtbag towns: Dweebmont, Ohio Styptic Pencil Capital of the World Often there will be local fairs and festivals where the kids can ride on the Whirl-'n'-Puke while Mom and Dad enjoy tasty local cuisine such as french fried potatoes, fried chicken, fried onion rings, fried dough, and fried frying oil fried with fried sugar. Of course, if rides are what you're after, you'll definitely want to visit one of the major Themed Attractions, such as Six Flags over a Large Flat Region, or the world-famous Walt Disney World of Hot Irritable Popcorn-Bloated Families Waiting in Enormous Lines (see Chapter Four, Disney World on $263,508 a Day). Many of these attractions feature exhibits simulating foreign nations such as Europe, thus enabling you to experience exactly what it would be like to be in another country, provided that it was a foreign country staffed by Americans and located inside a Themed Attraction. But if you prefer the real thing, you'll want to cho...

Auteur

Dave Barry

Texte du rabat

TAKE YOUR TRAVEL TIPS FROM DAVE BARRY,
A GUY WHO IS REALLY GONE!
Complete with maps, histories, quaint local facts (France's National Underwear Changing Day is March 12), song lyrics, helpful hints on how to get through Customs (all insects must be spayed), and tidbits from Dave Barry's own fond vacation nightmares, DAVE BARRY'S ONLY TRAVEL GUIDE YOU'LL EVER NEED is just that. You'll find everything you need to know in this incredibly comprehensive reference, including:

• Air Travel (Or: Why Birds Never Look Truly Relaxed)
• Traveling as a Family (Or: No, We Are NOT There Yet)
• Traveling in Europe ("Excuse me! Where is the Big Mona Lisa?")
• Camping: Nature's Way of Promoting the Motel Industry

Résumé
TAKE YOUR TRAVEL TIPS FROM DAVE BARRY,
A GUY WHO IS REALLY GONE!

Complete with maps, histories, quaint local facts (France's National Underwear Changing Day is March 12), song lyrics, helpful hints on how to get through Customs (all insects must be spayed), and tidbits from Dave Barry's own fond vacation nightmares, DAVE BARRY'S ONLY TRAVEL GUIDE YOU'LL EVER NEED is just that. You'll find everything you need to know in this incredibly comprehensive reference, including:

• Air Travel (Or: Why Birds Never Look Truly Relaxed)
• Traveling as a Family (Or: No, We Are NOT There Yet)
• Traveling in Europe ("Excuse me! Where is the Big Mona Lisa?")
• Camping: Nature's Way of Promoting the Motel Industry

Échantillon de lecture
Chapter 1
 
Planning Your “Trip to Paradise,” or Possibly Beirut
 
Planning is a very important part of travel. Just ask Amelia Earhart, the famous woman aviatrix1 who in 1937 attempted to fly around the world in a twin-engine Lockheed and disappeared somewhere in the South Pacific and was never heard from again. This kind of thing can really put a damper on your vacation, yet it can easily be prevented if you do a little advance research by asking some basic travel questions, such as:
 
Will you be flying on a twin-engine Lockheed?
Will you ever be heard from again?
Will there be meal service?
 
Oh, I realize that not everybody likes to plan every step of a vacation. Some people would rather just grab a backpack and a sleeping bag, stick out their thumbs and start hitchhiking down the highway, enjoying the fun and adventure of not knowing “what’s around the bend.” Most of these people are dead within hours. So planning is definitely the way to go.
 
Step One is to decide on a destination. The two most popular travel destinations are:
 
Domestic
Foreign
 
The major advantage of domestic travel is that, with a few exceptions such as Miami, most domestic locations are conveniently situated right here in the United States. This means that, on a domestic vacation, you are never far from the convenience of American culture in the form of malls, motels, Chicken McNuggets, Charmin Bathroom Tissue, car-window suction-cup Garfield dolls, lawyers, etc. Also, the United States contains an enormous amount of natural beauty, although I do not personally prefer Nature as a vacation destination, because of various factors such as the Dirt Factor, the Insect Factor, and, of course, the Snake Factor (see Chapter Eight, “Camping: Nature’s Way of Promoting the Motel Industry”).
 
The United States also contains some history, most of which is located in special humidity-controlled rooms in Washington, D.C., heavily guarded by armed civil servants. Or, if you prefer to get “off the beaten path,” you can simply hop in the car and travel the highways and byways of this great land of ours, visiting its many proud little dirtbag towns:
 
Dweebmont, Ohio “Styptic Pencil Capital of the World”
 
Often there will be local fairs and festivals where the kids can ride on the Whirl-’n’-Puke while Mom and Dad enjoy tasty local cuisine such as french fried potatoes, fried…